Beyond a Bolt From the Blue
What's it like to explore a religious vocation by Maria Ruiz Scaperlanda
For what seemed like an eternity, Tracy Stutz kept her inmost hopes and dreams strictly private. Then one day she jumped off the fence and announced to her friends and family that she was pursuing a religious vocation. "I didn't even tell my family. I wasn't ready for their reaction. And maybe I wasn't really sure how serious I was," she notes. "Until I was prepared to go into the process, I just wasn't ready to share that with anyone". But she was pleasantly surprised, if not amused, by the reactions. "A common remark was, 'I didn't know that people still did that", she laughs. "But many friends supported my decision, saying 'Yeah, I can see that side of you'. My non-Catholic friends were taken aback but still encouraged me to go for it", remembers Tracy. She is now in her year of postulancy (first year of formation) with the Sisters of St. Benedict, a monastic community in Indiana.
It is ironic that religious life - at the very centre of Catholicism - is often seen as a weird lifestyle, leading those considering a vocation to feel stigmatised and alienated. Why would anyone choose to live such a life, deprived of autonomy and the abundance of choices that are considered at the heart of modern culture? Do people still do that?
For Tracy, a cradle Catholic and the oldest of five children, the idea originally burst to consciousness at secondary school through her parish priest. "He asked me point blank if I had ever thought of a religious vocation. Even though I said no then, the thought stayed on the periphery of my mind". Four years ago the possibility became more dominant. "God was waiting for me, reminding me it was time to take the next step", explains the 35 year old native of Kalamazoo, Michigan. "I call it the 'all right alreadys'. I knew God was asking, What are you going to do? Will you look into the community?"
Leap of faith
Tracy's application process began with several weekend visits and a formal application, which is reviewed by a committee. She then began a lengthy screening process, which included a behavioural assessment of family life, personal background, educational background and spiritual formation; a physical and dental exam; a psychological assessment; and, finally, three one-to-one interviews with members of the community. At each step of the process, all the information was presented to the Formation Board, which decides whether the applicant should continue. "I think the lengthy process is good", Tracy maintains. "By the time you get done with all these interviews, you yourself know how you feel about entering". "My one specific fear is that I'm wrong", says Tracy, who explored several religious communities in her region before "finding a sense of peace and community" with the Sisters of St. Benedict.
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"And my greatest hope is to persevere. The growth that you experience simply by opening up to the process is the key. You discover what is really central to your being". In one sense, the very concept of discerning a religious vocation is an oxymoron. Discernment, by definition, is to perceive with the intellect, to recognise or comprehend mentally. Yet to many who are in the process of considering or who have chosen to enter religious life, it's largely a question of following the heart, not simply the intellect.
"My calling took place at a very specific moment during a Mass after receiving the Eucharist", remarks 26 year old Thomas Hong, who describes his call as a "spiritual awakening". "For the first time in my life I felt fully united with Jesus, and from that grace, I was able to ask what God wanted me to do. I don't even know why I asked for that. That moment was the beginning of my discernment". Thomas was a second year law student at the University of California at Los Angeles when he experienced the sacrament of reconciliation during a retreat. "That confession opened my eyes up to prayer, to the Eucharist, to reading the Bible. It was a doorway to growth, manifesting God's mercy and love in a concrete way in my life. It began a series of spiritual practices that opened me up to God's presence", he explains. Everyone - from his parents to his friends - was shocked at his revelation, he remembers. "I was always very ambitious, setting goals and accomplishing them. Everyone had expectations of my future. And the priesthood was a 180 degree turn". At first Thomas told only his close friends. "I felt insecure - what if I told everyone and then I didn't go in or didn't finish? It was very frightening", acknowledges the native of Seoul, South Korea, whose family immigrated to the United States in 1978. "I had been content in law school and was dating someone". |
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